I'm w8ting 4 ur hypnotizing spear

Annehaseyo Ansel Hwang Su Ha Shi sumida. 2day I have been through a hell of a week 4 me. Desperately fighting for survival. Condition getting worse from day to day & need of all the treatment I can get through my source. However, my fear has to w8 as I only get the appointment 4 mon 2 try on my last hope but worries never ended this easy. I have a very uneasy feeling on this mon's treatment. It is definitely a KO 4 me if I cannot survive this treatment or the survival of this full course treatment doesnot give any improve towards my health. Neway, I have been thinking about it the whole time negatively but suddenly my mind comes out with this quotation that I remembered from the drama series that I like which shows tat A as the main one like B very much. However, B is married to C and have 2 kids. A never give up spirit and whenever the song is played, A will be writting the very own blog too and thinking of wat is the feeling of C when A did sumthin to B while C was there. Ezit too confidence that B will never leave C or the thing loses the dignity and respect of the marriage of both B and C. It is complicated and at last A dare to compete with C to earn back B but not for long because A was dead due to some incident of saving B with B'life. I was thinking whether when I face this similar love triangle situation, will I be daring to fight for B even if it means to sacrifice my life?
My answer would be yes even if B were to be married to C, D, and F, I will still fight and compete it back for my love life. Just a problem, will my true 1 arrive it in time for me to gain a pure love or wil I just ended my life like this be4 my the other half arrive. I have this thoughts from time 2 time especially when my bad times of illnesses attack, will I be able to live a gracefull and surprising moment in this world or just so ended my life with boring and expected situation. Come to this issue as my previous post would said tat my wishes would be my soul mate to be hide from me be4 any success is achieved but now tat I know Life is short as many crime and health issues contaminated this world, I am now hoping for a different view point to occur even if it were 2 sacrifice family, friendship, career and wealth. Is this thinking even right 4 me as my health condition is so weak now tat I begin hallucination and imaging the next or last part of my life to change drasticly and dramatically? Wat is the correct answer tat I should be looking for or heading to? Isn't there any hints tat is given to me on how I should be proceeding with my life? Is the quotation the hint given to me considering how it attract my attention so deeply?
Another factor tat I wish to change is to consider on whether is this education goin to get me to anywhere or will I be able to even to complete this course of education gracefully and honorable? As many potential event has cause me to change my mind to whether continue to my study or stop it here mainly due to my GPA for this semester only get 3.35 and drop again as expected (So desperately SAD) only one A and B- but should I consider to remark my paper as the course work for the subject tat I get B- is the highest and it is quite weird but a lot of people fail this semester and either I should be grateful of this result, appreciate it since I should stop it here or fight till my last breath to finish this course and decide my future with limited ideas of proceeding by this course? Watever it should be must be but the isn't any sign or hint tat is able to lead me to come to any conclusion at all. Aish I think everythin will hav 2 w8 4 the monday result of the acupuncture first? Please let it be painless, and end it quite so tat I will not hav a dull but a brighter future without my illnesses and up there giv me some hint already on wat I should do and think? ASAP ya